Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
