I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
