i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
