Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
