think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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