I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
