She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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