They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
