Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
