hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
