you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
