she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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