i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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