bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
