Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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