so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
