i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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