yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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