perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
we're so committed to being not committed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize