I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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