i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
