Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
