I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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