i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
