I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
