I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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