Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
