He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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