He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
