Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
