Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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