my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
