god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize