if you like me you must not know who I am
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize