There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So much rum. So many feels.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
