my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
they need to just BURY HIM!
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
