win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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