put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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