kristin has been a bad kristin
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
