last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
