i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
