so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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