I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
