College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
