just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
