It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Bring me that man meat
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
