Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize