You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
