i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We left an ass print on the piano.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
