you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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