have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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