No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
