why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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