turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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