is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
