Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize