sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
