I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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