You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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