there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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