Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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