I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
