I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
