the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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