I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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