If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
