I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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