He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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