i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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