so that wasnt chicken after all
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
