obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
