Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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