TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
