OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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