The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
