Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
