Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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