does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
