you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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