I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
