I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
